Milestones


©️Sylvilel

For those of you who don’t know, once upon a time I spent the better part of ten years dealing with depression. In the last three years of that depression I also dealt with anxiety, paranoia, and panic attacks. Long story short, I had problems taking care of myself in a satisfying way, and I drove everyone away from me.

This December it will be two years since I was released from therapy. It’s been a good and productive two years, and I feel like I’m finally looking at an endgame where I get my shit together. I’m doing the stuff I like, and making choices based on what’s best for ME rather than for others.

This March I had a bit of a setback, to the point where I considered going back into therapy. But as my therapist always told me: “You’ve got the tools, and you know how to use them.”

So I decided to try another strategy first, one that pretty much worked for me since I was a kid: Namely writing.

The journal you see in the photo has been my therapeutic tool this year. Today I filled the last page. This journal started with the word SHAME , but ended on the word ADVENTURE . All in the space of eight little months, where I did nothing but try to love and accept myself more than I already did, I turned my thoughts from SHAME - to ADVENTURE.

And it fucking worked. It really, really worked. I’m still not the person I WANT to be, but damn am I getting there. I can look at my progress and the way I’m headed, and I can be satisfied just with that. I don’t have the ideal life that I envision, but I have my own back. I have friends and family who, even if they don’t always understand, at least give me the space to figure things out.

I’m alive. And I can do whatever the hell I want with that life.





Kommentarer

  1. Nattfall22. oktober 2018 kl. 10:09

    (Håper det er greit at jeg kommenterer på norsk selv om innlegget er på engelsk.)

    Altså, GO YOU!! Dette er jo helt fantastisk å lese. Skriving er antakelig det mest forløsende jeg veit om, det er det jeg alltid har kommet tilbake til igjen og igjen. Problemet er jo de gangene man er så langt nede at man ikke engang får til å skrive... Men skriv, for all del. Skriv, skriv, skriv. Skriv så lenge lysta/inspirasjonen er der. Da får alt annet bare vike i mellomtida.

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    1. Sylvilel23. oktober 2018 kl. 08:41

      (Det er selvfølgelig helt greit!)

      Tusen takk for fine ord, de varmer! Det er så godt å endelig få lov til å skrive noe genuint positivt!

      Slett
  2. Karoline22. oktober 2018 kl. 10:23

    Jeg har ikke noe veldig lurt å si til dette innlegget, men jeg syns det var ganske inspirerende lesning og en fin beskrivelse av hvor viktig skriving kan være. Klem og lykke til videre <3

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    1. Sylvilel23. oktober 2018 kl. 08:44

      Synes dette var lurt nok i massevis, jeg, tusen takk! <3

      Slett

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