Rightness

©️Sylvilel

I sometimes wish I had the guts to pack my things and travel the world.

It's such a futile thing to say, because there really is nothing stopping me, not even insecurity anymore. I'm just - I don't know. Not afraid. Not nervous. Lazy?

Maybe.

I don't know what to call it. Anxious? Maybe that's a better word. Not bad anxious. Maybe I'm afraid that it won't be all I want it to be.

If all goes to plan, I might be travelling to Copenhagen this Christmas. With a friend, visitng another friend. For some reason, doing something completely different for Christmas this year appeals a great deal to me.

Someting has happened to the family this year. Both my mum and dad's. Not just this year, specifically, it's been a long way coming. But I feel it more now than I used to.

I want to believe it's because I've changed. And it probably is. But there's been a few major turning points somewhere along this particular year too. People are starting to find themselves, and the ones who aren't, feel more  lost than ever.

For once, I have no inclination to stay behind and try and drag those people forward. I'm cutting my losses, moving forward on my own, and reveling in the light of those who're moving with me.

'Cause good things are happening. My mum and dad have worked so hard for a very long time now. My sister and my brother-in-law too. And a few of my friends. And me. And it's fucking paying off for a change. For all of us. I just find it a bit hilarious that it happens to all of us at the same time.

I love it.

And I really, really think we all deserve it. Life can be a bitch, but she can be a good bitch sometimes.

Even breaking my arm this August has been more of an adventure than a challenge, and even if it'll take me the better part of a year to get back to normal, I feel abnormally good. And no, I am not on heavy medication anymore, thanks for asking.

Everything just feels right somehow, and it's hard to explain. Like there are things hanging around, just waiting to happen. Good things, or things that will lead somewhere good in the end.

It's a funny feeling.

This. This is the moment.

Yeah, yeah, it's cheesy, I know. But I still believe it. I really do.

I haven't been feeling too well tonight, which is why I thought this might turn into a long rant of complaint and/or semi-melancholic philiosophising.

Instead I am here, still feeling that sensation of rightness. It's kinda scary actually.